All things must end

Today was the last day at my cash office job. In honor of that, I thought I’d share a few more photos of money I’ve found.

This time round, I really ignored the things like random numbers and names written on money. Luckily, I received quite a few actual messages.

How true.

I don’t even know. I will never understand why people write on money. This isn’t even a political statement or something, it’s just like one of those crappy fortunes you get from the cookies at Panda Express.

I also got two rather conflicting messages:

I find it hard to take either message seriously, for several reasons, not the least of which being that the author’s selected medium of communication was on a dollar bill. I also have a hard time taking the top one seriously because it doesn’t even really spell “god” unless you are counting the circle around the g. The writer probably thought that was clever. It wasn’t. The handwriting of the second one makes it hard, as well as the completely unnecessary aggression and multicolored markers.

There were a few bills that just made me happy:

Upon closer inspection, this seems to be part of the “Where’s George” thing, but I still got excited when I saw the rainbow colors. I now know what Charlie from Charlie and the Chocolate factory felt like.

This one didn’t make me happy, per se, but I was amused, certainly.

 

I got excited about this one, because I used to play with those round paint marker things ALL THE TIME as a kid. Lord knows how many flowers I made with them.

And, the one and only “Where’s George” bill I bothered to take a photo of, mostly because it looked like it had been damp at some point, so I was curious:

Unfortunately, there was no indication as to why it looked so blurry. All I know is that the original person had it in Colorado.

 

This is the end of an era, y’all.

Words that make me want to puke

I have noticed, particularly among people who read frequently, that there are always words that seem to skeeve a person out. Here are mine.

1. Moist. There are so many people who hate this word, and I get it. It’s gross. I think it has something to do with the vowel sound followed by the ‘st.’ The word SOUNDS moist.

2. Pulp. I hate how the word is half p’s. It sounds harsh and people often spit on accident when they try to say it.

3. Slacks. This is just a creepy words. Why not just say pants?

4. Panties. I hated this even as a kid. There are so many better words that can be used here. Underwear is my go-to. It especially bothers me when older men and big corporations use it. I’m looking at you, Victoria’s Secret.

5. Ointment. Actual ointment is a goopy, gross mess, and the name makes it even worse. It makes me think of Hexxus from Fern Gully.

Ewww.

6. Breasts. I mostly hate this word because it is impossible to say without either sounding like you have a lisp, or glossing over the “t” sound entirely.

7. Damp. I have no idea what the problem is here, but is makes me physically shudder.

8. Irregardless. I feel like this shouldn’t even be here because it isn’t a word. The fact that it has weaseled its way into so many other reasonable, well educated people’s vocabulary is what skeeves me out here.

9. Got. I hate even looking at this word. I proofread all my writing to make sure I use this word as infrequently as possible. In fact, I just did a search of my blog and there are no “gots” lying about.

10. Hunk. There is no use of this word I approve of. It’s really gross when used to describe a piece of food, and rather insulting when used to describe a person. I have a special hatred of the word “hunky” as well.

There you have it. What are yours?

 

 

This was the only time I didn’t have to go all day…

I had to pee in a cup today. A cup that came out of a drawer marked “big” cups. I’m not sure what they’re implying with the quotation marks, but the sign was definitely made in Word with WordArt.

Then I had to hand a cup of my pee to a strange woman I’ve never met, and she poured into a vial and flushed the toilet for me. It was all very personal for 9 AM.

I also had to initial the vial full of pee. I don’t understand why I couldn’t sign the label before it was full of urine, but those are the rules, apparently.

Anyway, I have a new job.

This is how you know you’ve made it

I recently was looking into what kinds of things people search to find my blog.

Holy shit, y’all.

I don’t know what’s going on out there, but I want to say thank you. I laughed and laughed at some of these.

Here’s all of them:

I mean, I can understand how each of these link to my blog. However, I can’t imagine the scenario in which some of these were ever searched. For example, “where is nipple.” Not even, “where is my nipple” or “where is her nipple” or even “where is my parakeet’s nipple.” I’m sorry to disappoint whoever thought I might teach them about nipples.

Also, “my face hasn’t developed yet.” Whoever you are, please seek help for that.

My very favorite is “girl with green goo on her face.” A google image search reveals this:

I feel pretty famous right about now.