Because Revenge Sells

Recently, I was watching a bit of TV when a commercial for Crest whitening strips came on. Now, I’ve scoured the whole internet, and I can’t seem to find the specific commercial in question, but I did find some other examples of Crest’s misguided marketing campaign.

Now, I don’t know about you, but I’ve never once been confused about who someone was after they brushed their teeth. The fact that whiter teeth are supposed to make this woman look completely different is ridiculous. If that were really the case, it would be downright irresponsible to alter her appearance so much right before going on a major trip that requires a photo ID. For that matter, criminals and people in the witness protection program could just go pick up some Crest products and all their problems would be solved. Actually, thinking about that, there could be some really awkward run ins on the toothpaste aisle.

This is especially true when the person in your way murdered your whole family.

Anyway, now that you’ve had a little taste of the logic behind a Crest commercial, I’d like to discuss the original one. I didn’t pay any attention to it, because at first it was just another ad for bleach to put in your mouth. Then, at the end, the last line made me perk up and listen. Right at the end of this commercial, a woman says, “You won’t just be the ex, you’ll be the one that got away.” Number one, I have never heard someone say, “Man, what was I thinking letting Sally go? I mean, have you seen her teeth?!” Another ridiculous overstatement about the importance of white teeth.

Secondly, if how a person looks is the main thing that you miss about them, either they were an awful human being and you shouldn’t miss them, or you are a douche rocket and shouldn’t be dating until you realize how little appearance matters. If you see your ex and their suddenly whiter teeth make you want them again, there is something wrong with you.

Lastly, the big thing that caught my attention was the use of revenge as a selling point. Wanting to make your ex want you and then rejecting them is something probably a lot of people might think about, but honestly, that’s a really shitty way to think. Just because things did not work between you and that person shouldn’t mean that you wish for your ex to be unhappy and pining for you forever.

I don’t know if these products actually work, as I don’t see the need to use them, but I’ve heard they cause hurty teeth and gums for DAYS. If that wasn’t enough of a deterrent from me using them, these ads and their perpetuation of negative thought patterns certainly would be.

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4 comments on “Because Revenge Sells

  1. Goku says:

    Couldn’t agree more.

  2. chellesh0ck says:

    I’m still laughing at “Someone is in front of the thing you want…..Pretend to look at something else until they move”. I was at the supermarket a few weeks ago and this fucking lady stood in front of the very thing that I wanted for about 10 minutes…. I asked her to move and she FUCKING IGNORED ME. Chris found me in a rage-filled, trembling heap in the corner of an aisle, frothing at the mouth.
    But yeah, commercials are so stupid. Always trying to play the “scared of being alone? With our product, you won’t be!” card! xx

    • sicklyjoye says:

      I had the hardest time with stores when I was in Australia, because it seems like all the aisles are more narrow there, and that there were ALWAYS like a million people standing in front of the bread staring at it like they had never seen it before. Peter had to keep me from rage choking people several times, but I”ve never plucked up enough courage to ask someone to move, so I’m impressed with your bravery and OMG WHO JUST IGNORES SOMEONE?!

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