This post is about chickens

Today I learned about chicken eyeglasses.
And you can take him to see a 3D movie!
 Apparently, people used to put rose colored goggles on their chickens, so that they wouldn’t be able to recognize blood if they saw it on one another, as that would trigger an attack instinct. There are several things about this that make me insanely happy.

1.   At some point, somewhere, putting spectacles on a chicken was seen as an ingenious invention.
2. Someone cared enough to protect their poor little feathered friends from a mass flock attack. I know it        was probably only done for monetary reasons, you know, saving your livestock and all that, but it still warms
my heart to think of a farmer fitting each of his chickens with a pair of glasses and then tucking them in all nice and snug and bringing them a warm glass of milk.


3. If someone as stable as a turn of the century U.S. farmer seriously thought these were a good idea, then I now have some back up for all those times my boyfriend tells me I can’t have a pet just for the clothes I could make it wear. Like that time I wanted a rat so that I could put it in a mermaid costume, or the time with the falcon and the tiny hat.



4. Because this sentence exists because of it: “The practice of bespectacling one’s chickens was alive and well, at least as of 1973, when an Illinois poultry farmer was reported in Illinois’ The Hawk-Eye newspaper to have 8,000 chickens fitted with the rose-colored variety”

Seriously, who has the patience to do this 8,000 times?

5. And because this happened:
6. It makes the chickens look like either hippie stoners, or fierce war heroes.
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Sometimes, I don’t know how I function

Unfamiliar social situations make me EXTREMELY uncomfortable, to the point that I just avoid them entirely. This is not just a case of shyness at meeting new people. Oh no. It doesn’t matter if I am planning on making a good impression, or if I know I will never see the people involved again. If there is a situation that I haven’t been in before, and it involves talking to people, you can almost always count me out. Of course there are exceptions, or else I would be at home all the days and never make any friends. Usually, someone has to either be very insistent and force me and guilt/humiliate me into doing something, which causes me to be shy and quiet and weird the entire night, or they have to be saintishly patient with me, and offer me constant reassurance and hand holding the whole time, and also walk me through the entire situation a zillion times beforehand. Then I might start to feel sort of a little comfortable with the idea of talking to a new person or going to a new place. What I’m getting at here is, I’m tons of fun to be around. Here’s a list of things that send me into a panic spiral.
1.     Eating at an unfamiliar restaurant. Unless I am with someone I know well, and who is also familiar with the restaurant, I won’t go. There are too many things that could go wrong. I could hate the food. I could be the wrong sort of person for that restaurant. I could be under or overdressed. The wait staff could be rude. The menu items could have ridiculous names, and I will have to mutter that I want a “Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity” but then the waitress won’t hear me and then I will find myself yelling that phrase out in a suddenly hushed restaurant full of people. It could be a nudist restaurant. I need to know what I am getting myself into.
“Can I have that without the Tooty, please?”
2.  Restaurants and other places where you give your order at a counter, and then have to pick up your order at some other window or part of the counter or something. I get very anxious about where to stand while I wait, and become entirely too stressed out while trying to figure out where to pick my shit up, even if it is clearly labelled. I struggle to keep my facial expressions out of a look of horror, because I just KNOW all the people are staring at me, wondering what the poor lost simple girl is doing.
You can pick up your order at the top of the stairs.
  3.  Having to walk into a place that I don’t know very well to meet people. If I know the place, I know the layout and how things function, and can get to searching with a purpose. If I don’t know the place, I will walk in and have a look or confusion and searching on my face, and for some reason, this is entirely unacceptable to me. It is terrifying to me, that someone might secretly be watching me, and that they will see this look cross my face. Especially if it turns out I’m early or something, and the people I am supposed to be meeting aren’t already there and then I have to stand around feeling awkward until they arrive.
What my brain thinks is happening every time I walk in a room.
4.       Tripping when I am walking by myself. If I trip in front of people I know, I’m totally fine with it and will probably even laugh while I am laying in the ground bleeding. However, if I even stumble while walking down a path on my own, I am instantly seized with a feeling of dread. WHAT IF SOMEONE SAW ME? What if they happen to know everyone I am friends with and then they tell my friends and my friends hate me? I struggle to act like it never happened, all the while looking around for potential witnesses who are plotting to destroy my whole life.
And then this might happen.
And so on. I guess what we learned today, is that I’m a huge freak, and I’m quite up on myself for thinking that people would be interested enough to be looking at me at all times.